Peccavo (peccavo) wrote,

Post - Wedding

Where to start and where to end. Everything with the wedding, if you can believe it, was so much drama. Including me!

My right big toe isn't hurting as badly any more, thank god! I think the new nail is slowly growing in, but it's been a long time since I had a new nail grow in, so I don't know what it looks like. The nail came out at the root, so I've been having to trim the bottom of it (disgusting I know) as it's started getting soggy after multiple foot baths.

It's my second week back at work, and I'm starting to get back into the groove. I really wasn't all there the first week. I forgot how isolated I feel at work, and how maddening the white noise machine is.

I went for my first allergy shot last week. Would you believe the allergy nurse was surprised I had an allergic reaction! They gave me a shot of something I'm pretty allergic to, and my lungs and throat tightened up so that it was difficult to breathe. I have to laugh -- maybe all those years in middle school with my lungs tightening up and passing out from not breathing, maybe it was an allergic reaction and not a panic attack like the doctors said. Wouldn't that have been a stitch. Dumb doctors. I go back for my next allergy shot tomorrow-- hopefully it goes a little better.

Demon Kitty seems to be integrating with the other cats a little better. He still isn't playing with them or grooming, but at least he'll be in the same room, sometimes even within a few feet of the other cats. Still a quality amount of hissing, but not quite as bad. At least he can share space now -- he wasn't doing that before.

I gave FB a call for his birthday. He wasn't able to make it to the wedding, which I understand. Lots of things going on. Honestly, many people weren't able to make it to the wedding. I'll get back on that tangent in a moment. His father's been having major difficulties, and he's stepped up as caregiver, on top of rebuilding his career and his life. It's really a lot for one person, and I really would like to give him more support. But I'm only one person, and he's down in Florida.

I need to give M's a call. She hasn't talked to me since she bailed on the wedding. She's been having medical difficulties.

A lot of this has become my new normal. Several friends either have major medical difficulties, or they're care-givers for family members with major medical difficulties. It gets disheartening, and it makes me feel old. Really, though, it's made me appreciative to be able-bodied, to be able to work, and to be able to help support those who can't pull as much weight as they'd like to.

There is something about the wedding that really hurts. There were a quality number of people who treated it like just another wedding, or just another event. And that really stung. This was only fully legalized a year ago. I'm sorry my newly legalized relationship is passé now, but I've spent the majority of my adult life integrating that society sees me as a pervert and a deviant. And there was a solid decade where my relationships were a wedge issue politically -- oh, and the freaking Catholic Church AT THE SAME TIME decided to scapegoat me and mine for their failings. So, yes, this was a big deal. So, to those who didn't have a legitimate reason for coming out and enjoying themselves -- let me just give a big fat raspberry. At least externally, Will was much more vocal about people who couldn't or didn't come -- but I didn't want to lay on the guilt to anyone -- we put a ton of money and work into things -- either people wanted to be there or they didn't. And I'd be lying if I said certain things didn't bother me, but I'm not going to let the world revolve around things that didn't happen. On the other hand, some people went above and beyond. I had two friends who came in from NYC! and I had a friend fly in from Atlanta. I had another friend who was going to come in from Detroit, but immigration kept her in Canada for an extra month (now that's a solid excuse not to be at a wedding) -- and she was extremely apologetic -- omg!!

GB came to the reception. The wedding was at a smaller venue in the morning; I had not invited him to that, largely because with the past year's history, I just couldn't. The last few times I've seen him, he's just given me the biggest bedroom eyes you can imagine. And this time it was a little awkward because he was with his partner. Not that him being with his partner has ever stopped him from staring, especially after he's had a few. I need to follow up with him and figure something out. This teenage drama has worn itself out.

I'm also still integrating a lot of the family drama from the wedding. My family is increasingly dysfunctional. It stood out loud and clear to Will. Individual and group dynamics are simply failing. This isn't a surprise to me, but watching it play out is a different matter. I've spent a lot of time trying to stabilize and break out of those patterns, and now being on the inside looking out is very jarring and bizarre.

Now, I'm trying to slowly go through the big pile of thank you cards that need to be written. I had wanted to get a ton of these done the week after the wedding, but largely, we needed to vacate the house, because that was the week the contractor decided to really start getting some working done *facepalm* The bathroom to this day isn't done. Will's kicking himself excessively for choosing such an incompetent contractor at a bad time. And I'm trying to be functional with it, and not excessively critical, but it gets difficult.

So, in the week off we went to Phipps conservatory, Carnegie Museum of Art, National Aviary, Warhol Museum, Mattress Factory (museum), and Meadowcroft Rockshelter. We also went off to Roseland to go camping for the weekend, and for the yoga 108 sun salutations.

Life is moving onward.
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